hotel room ftw
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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