I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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