Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize