I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This toilet bowl is my home.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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