YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
