Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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