Who wears a wallet chain?!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
