I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize