He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
