Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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