I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
