she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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