I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
