Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize