I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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