Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
