Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
