I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
