I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
