i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
