i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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