She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
