Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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