i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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