Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
