That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
