I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
