Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
