rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
