ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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