I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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