if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So many bounce houses so little time
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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