I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
