i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Vodka?
Forever.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
