So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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