i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize