I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
is wine microwaveable?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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