i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
