lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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