It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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