Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
