Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
