We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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