I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So squirting runs in the family.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
