i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
