Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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