Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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