The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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