i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
