just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
