I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
