Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
