4 words: hood of his car
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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