Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
