Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We were destined to go to rehab together
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
