Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
