oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
