Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
