I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize