Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
