he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The air was thick with penises
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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