she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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