I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
