Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
