I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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