You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
