I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Bring me that man meat
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
