i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
