maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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