he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
