the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
