Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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