why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
