We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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