He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
