Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
