"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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