Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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