I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
