dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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