respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
