I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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