yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
