I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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