Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm having to shit out rocks
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
