I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize