My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
