You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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