Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
