It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
