I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
