i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I didn't notice because vodka
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
