I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
