Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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