We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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