im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
