i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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