you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
