I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize