the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
