I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
