oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
